Divorce is the second most stressful life event, preceded only by the death of a spouse. And what is that stress capable of? Expediting a severe bout of depression and anxiety to your limbic system (the brain's emotional center), if you're not careful. Acute and chronic stress undermine both emotional and physical health. In fact, a recent study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior suggests that divorced or widowed people have 20 percent more chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, or cancer than married people.
Another study in Psychological Science claimed that a person's happiness level drops as she approaches divorce, although there is rebounding over time if the person works at it. That what these 12 tips are: suggestions for preventing the devastating depression that often accompanies divorce, and techniques that you can use to keep your happiness level steady or maybe even higher than it is today!
Lose Yourself in a Book (Or an Afghan)
I think the one thing that kept my mom sane during the years after she and my dad split were the 75 afghans she knitted for my sisters, for me, and for anyone who got married between 1982 and 1985. The mundane, repetitive gesture of knitting, she told me later, kept her brain on the loop that she was making with her big plastic needles, and away from all the sadness in her heart. Swimming is the same type of activity for me. I count each lap, so if I start to ruminate too much, I lose track. A friend of mine who divorced last year said that losing herself in a juicy novel was a helpful diversion.
Change Your Routine
The year after my dad left, a counselor recommended to my mom that she go back to work. So she took a part-time job as a hostess at a nice restaurant downtown, working the lunch hour. The job forced her to smile, meet new people, and be part of a fresh environment--all of which helped her to get out of her head for several hours of the day and gave her hope that there was new life out there. Just because her marriage had ended didn't mean her life was over.
Plan, Plan, and Plan Some More
That is, planning everything. I know this works because I did it during the really low months of my severe depression. I planned when I would eat my bagel, when I would shower, and when I would relieve my bladder. I planned when I'd write my distorted thoughts into a journal, and when I would try to count my blessings. All the planning cut down on my ruminations. Does that sound like a bit much? Not according to Temes:
“Use a calendar to make your plans. Plan when you will go somewhere new. Plan when you will buy yourself a new outfit. Plan to learn to knit and decide when you'll go to the yarn store. Plan to go fishing and call a buddy who likes to fish. Or, learn how to frame a favorite photo and plan when you will venture to a craft shop or to an art supply store. Plan to repair something in your house and plan to go to Home Depot or to Lowe's or to your local hardware store. Planning activities for your future will help you reach that future."
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